So last Friday(12/13) was my first day working out with Torin! Thank goodness he was so patient! I couldn't do much at all but I tried my best! He had put together a workout based on what they have him do in the Army and things he has looked up and learned through his own research. I felt awesome afterwards! I kept it up until our days off(Tues & Wed are days off). It made those days much more relaxing in the sense that I knew I had earned my days off! There was no "I should be working out right now" guilt! On Thursday we started back at it!! I hadn't been able to even do one push-up previously, but when I tried on Thursday I did FOUR!! I was beyond ecstatic! I definitely noticed a big leap in strength.
I've done pretty good sticking within my calorie allowance...but today when I weighed myself I was up 2 lbs. Part of me is devastated and part of me knows that can happen. I just feel like with my weight is so high it should drop quickly. Doesn't matter. I will just continue on my path! There is some chance that some weight gain could be due to a negative reaction to birth control that I just stopped taking(due to it being quite a nightmare!). Even though I haven't seen the drop in weight that I wanted I am feeling a million times better! I feel like making it past the week mark of working out is starting to show me the forming of a healthy habit. I have never made it past a few days, so it's a big deal for me.
Ta-ta!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
My hubby is hotter than yours....
I figured I would tell how I met my husband!
When I was 17 I started working at this ridiculous place called "Fun-Land". We joked that the slogan should be "Fun-Land; Where the fun stops". I had a lot of great times there and I met some awesome people, one of which would be my sweet Torin monster! I remember the first time I saw him, I was working at the prize counter, he was walking inside from working the go-kart tracks. I instantly thought he was super hot and loved that he had spiky hair! The first time I heard him talking(not to me, just some other coworkers) I thought he was egotistical and stuck up. I remember commenting to a friend that "he'd be hot if he didn't think he was so hot." I would later learn that he is the furthest thing from egotistical!
The first time I talked to him he was dust mopping the entrance, while I was working the ticket counter.
Ani: Hey! Torin, right?
Torin: Yeah...
Ani: Come here. I wanna ask you something......
Ani: Do you wanna get married and have beautiful half black babies?!
Torin: Okay....where would we live though?
I had always loved trying to say things to shock people so I found it hysterical that he reacted so coolly! After that we would talk here and there. I started looking forward to working with him and seeing him. I remember being sad I didn't get to work with him on his 23rd birthday. I always loved just listening to him talk, and to this day it's still one of my favorite things. I knew I liked him and I started to think he might like me too, I noticed his hugs started lasting longer, he started to make flirty jokes. He was very sweet. After just a couple months, I had moved out, due to my Momma and I not getting along. Torin and I started talking and hanging out a lot more. Since I didn't have a solid place to stay, I would crash with him sometimes. Pretty quickly he asked me to be his girlfriend. I moved in with some coworkers who were looking for a roommate, and Torin came to live with me. We've been together ever since. After being together for about 5 months, he proposed. We were married a month later. We moved from VA to San Antonio, TX, and have been through our fair share of struggles. We've lost multiple pregnancies, and have yet to have a successful one. He's been there for me through my parents divorce, and through watching my father marry an 18 year old(she was younger than me....he has grandchildren that are older than her.). And much more.
This past year almost tore us apart, between all kinds of personal stress and strain, and him joining the Army, it's been a lot of work. We've both put each other through hell, but after busting our butts, pushing forward and lots of forgiveness, I can honestly say there is absolutely no one I would rather spend every second with than him. He has shown me unconditional love, strength, and selfless compassion. He is really the coolest person ever. He has always done his best to be understanding about my weight struggles, and always willing to help. Being married to him has made it more difficult in the aspect that he is perfect. Physically perfect. He is short, about 5'5", but built like he's 6'4". Literally. He is short, stocky, and super ripped. Even when he isn't working out steadily he is super muscular with very little fat. It's intimidating! Not to say I don't appreciate how insanely beautiful he is, but it can be hard to stand next to someone so gorgeous.
Last week I had quite a breakdown! I am normally a pretty happy person whose breakdowns are short, and quickly bounced back from, but this time a couple days had passed and it was getting worse. I whined and complained to him nonstop as he patiently listened to my feelings on my weight. The next day I decided to eat healthy. I wasn't going to follow any strict diet guidelines, just eyeball calorie intake, and only keep healthy food in the house. My hubby however had devised a workout from a very beginner level to help me ease into working out without getting discouraged.
So, that is what I have been doing! I have about a week of catching up to write.
<3
Above: This was the very first picture after we got together. We'd been a couple for maybe hours.
Above: This would have been right around the time that we got engaged. I had short dark hair, haha!
This is the most recent picture I have(10/01/13). Torin with his military cut! So cute! I shaved my head completely bald in support of my niece through her bone marrow transplant and had just started growing it out. I now have...Macklemore hair! ha!
My Struggles With Weight...
My entire life I have struggled with my weight. Part of it is my genetic disposition, but the biggest factors are stress eating and the habits that I've been taught and developed during my life. I also have PCOS(Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) which causes hormonal imbalances and difficulty with weight loss. I'm not naturally a petite person, I stand at 5'6" with a fairly broad build, and a full figure. Not to say that I lack femininity in any way, I'm just a very solid person, I tend to carry quite a bit of mass. Anyhoo....
In my childhood I went back and forth between being a healthy weight and being chubby, and it always bothered me. Puberty was a cruel time for me, just as it is for sooo many of us, but when I was in 8th grade I started to limit what I was eating, and I was already increasing my level of activity(I started walking to and from school) so I started to drop some weight. I was even on the lower end of my weight range(around 137-140). By the beginning of high school I looked good and I was taking care of myself. After my first year in high school, life got pretty crazy, but I shan't bore you with it. My health got put on the back burner and when I weighed myself again, after several months, I was about 158. For my build that is still within the healthy range, but I didn't see it that way, I was pretty mortified. As life started to settle(I was about 16 at this time) I started to obsess over my weight, putting all of my self worth into that stupid number. I had just started being home schooled, and had moved to a new state...I knew no one and went nowhere so it was just me obsessing over my weight. It didn't help that I was being raised by an anorexic mother, so my view on health and dieting was pretty seriously skewed. Without doing any research I started on a quest to lose weight. I cut out as much sugar and fat as I could out of my diet. It didn't matter if it was healthy sugars or healthy fats(ya know, that ones that help your brain work correctly and are mandatory to your health!) I ate as little of them as possible. I controlled my eating to an unhealthy extent. I started loosing weight really quickly and I was so excited! I was dizzy a lot, but it didn't really matter. After dropping to 135 lbs my obsession changed, I realized that I could probably get BELOW my weight range! I was so overly excited I started cracking down even more on the dieting. Whenever I would crack and eat too much(so close to a normal meal) I had some ipecac from my parents emergency medical stuff and I would take that and throw it up. This happened no more than once or twice a week, but just thinking about the smell of ipecac makes me sick. Every once in a while I would try to work out, but didn't have very much energy. I had constant brain fog(probably due to lack of fat in diet!) and my blood pressure was dangerously low, and I also was quite anemic. I didn't look like I was starving so I only ever heard from people that what I was doing clearly worked! I had a boyfriend who was very destructive to my self image and towards the end of that awful relationship I was staying around 122(which is below my weight range for my build). One day I weighed myself and I was all of 127...I had a full on panic attack, the room was spinning, I was completely hysterical! I ended up smacking my head repeatedly on the ground until I blacked out. Over the next 2-3 weeks I went through a messy breakup and ended up at 117. For me, my build, that is underweight, but more importantly the problem was that I got there by unhealthy and destructive means. A few months later life got crazy again, I was working, distracted and ended up gaining back some weight. I was back in a healthy range, but I can safely say I wasn't taking proper care of myself. At least the obsessing wasn't so overwhelming.
After I was married I started to gain some weight. A few months in and I was at about 150 lbs. A year in....160 lbs. With my third pregnancy(the other pregnancies hadn't lasted longer than a few weeks) I got up to about 170. Between the hormones, the nausea, and the stress I wasn't eating right. After I lost the baby I was devastated and wasn't able to lose more than five or so pounds. The next year, at the same time, I was pregnant again! My weight had been staying around 175-180, and the pregnancy didn't change that too much. After fifteen weeks I miscarried. Ever since then(about a year ago) it's been a gradual increase. I spent a good chunk of this past year away from home with my sister as her daughter went through a bone marrow transplant. And of course, I gained more weight. And now...at exactly 200 lbs, I am fighting to NEVER let my weight get out of control again. I've thought through this big time and considering that I have tried a million different diets, and a million different workout programs I have had to just take bits from each. My husband is in charge of the working out part, I'm in charge of the healthy eating. So this is my blog to chart my progress and my journey. It's mostly for me, but if any of it helps motivate anyone else, then so be it! That would be awesome! I have no goal to be skinny, but instead to be healthy and fit.
Enjoy!
In my childhood I went back and forth between being a healthy weight and being chubby, and it always bothered me. Puberty was a cruel time for me, just as it is for sooo many of us, but when I was in 8th grade I started to limit what I was eating, and I was already increasing my level of activity(I started walking to and from school) so I started to drop some weight. I was even on the lower end of my weight range(around 137-140). By the beginning of high school I looked good and I was taking care of myself. After my first year in high school, life got pretty crazy, but I shan't bore you with it. My health got put on the back burner and when I weighed myself again, after several months, I was about 158. For my build that is still within the healthy range, but I didn't see it that way, I was pretty mortified. As life started to settle(I was about 16 at this time) I started to obsess over my weight, putting all of my self worth into that stupid number. I had just started being home schooled, and had moved to a new state...I knew no one and went nowhere so it was just me obsessing over my weight. It didn't help that I was being raised by an anorexic mother, so my view on health and dieting was pretty seriously skewed. Without doing any research I started on a quest to lose weight. I cut out as much sugar and fat as I could out of my diet. It didn't matter if it was healthy sugars or healthy fats(ya know, that ones that help your brain work correctly and are mandatory to your health!) I ate as little of them as possible. I controlled my eating to an unhealthy extent. I started loosing weight really quickly and I was so excited! I was dizzy a lot, but it didn't really matter. After dropping to 135 lbs my obsession changed, I realized that I could probably get BELOW my weight range! I was so overly excited I started cracking down even more on the dieting. Whenever I would crack and eat too much(so close to a normal meal) I had some ipecac from my parents emergency medical stuff and I would take that and throw it up. This happened no more than once or twice a week, but just thinking about the smell of ipecac makes me sick. Every once in a while I would try to work out, but didn't have very much energy. I had constant brain fog(probably due to lack of fat in diet!) and my blood pressure was dangerously low, and I also was quite anemic. I didn't look like I was starving so I only ever heard from people that what I was doing clearly worked! I had a boyfriend who was very destructive to my self image and towards the end of that awful relationship I was staying around 122(which is below my weight range for my build). One day I weighed myself and I was all of 127...I had a full on panic attack, the room was spinning, I was completely hysterical! I ended up smacking my head repeatedly on the ground until I blacked out. Over the next 2-3 weeks I went through a messy breakup and ended up at 117. For me, my build, that is underweight, but more importantly the problem was that I got there by unhealthy and destructive means. A few months later life got crazy again, I was working, distracted and ended up gaining back some weight. I was back in a healthy range, but I can safely say I wasn't taking proper care of myself. At least the obsessing wasn't so overwhelming.
After I was married I started to gain some weight. A few months in and I was at about 150 lbs. A year in....160 lbs. With my third pregnancy(the other pregnancies hadn't lasted longer than a few weeks) I got up to about 170. Between the hormones, the nausea, and the stress I wasn't eating right. After I lost the baby I was devastated and wasn't able to lose more than five or so pounds. The next year, at the same time, I was pregnant again! My weight had been staying around 175-180, and the pregnancy didn't change that too much. After fifteen weeks I miscarried. Ever since then(about a year ago) it's been a gradual increase. I spent a good chunk of this past year away from home with my sister as her daughter went through a bone marrow transplant. And of course, I gained more weight. And now...at exactly 200 lbs, I am fighting to NEVER let my weight get out of control again. I've thought through this big time and considering that I have tried a million different diets, and a million different workout programs I have had to just take bits from each. My husband is in charge of the working out part, I'm in charge of the healthy eating. So this is my blog to chart my progress and my journey. It's mostly for me, but if any of it helps motivate anyone else, then so be it! That would be awesome! I have no goal to be skinny, but instead to be healthy and fit.
Enjoy!
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